Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

Sometimes, at random occasions (always when I'm alone), I find myself wistfully going om nom nom. 

Just because the interwebz discarded you for other fancies doesn't mean you aren't still fun, little poppet. Who's a little wunnerful meme? Who's a perfectly lovely mouthful? Who? Thaaaat's right. Om nom nom nom nom.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

It's been a while, na?  And it's winter, when cooking offers you the excuse to warm up in a nice cosy kitchen. So what better time to resume?  
 

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Ravishing Red Salad

Time required:
About 10 minutes.

Keep ready (to serve 4 people):
3 plump winter carrots
One small pomegranate
One medium beetroot
Sumac, powdered
Salt & pepper

Then:
Grate the carrots, remembering to remove the woody whitish-yellow bit in the centre. Parboil and grate the beetroot. Peel and mix in the pomegranate seeds. Sprinkle liberally with sumac. Add a touch of pepper and salt.

Serve at room temperature.

Why you should try this:

Simply for the sheer vividness of this dish on a dull winter's day, which is guaranteed to make your life feel just a tad brighter.  The deep almost-purpleness of the beet, mixed with the glistening ruby pearls of the pomegranate, all overlaid by the rich bright redness of the carrots, heightened by the specks of burgundy sumac.  It is truly a sight for sore eyes.

Plus, it tastes yummy (sweet, with a hint of sour) and is super-nutritious to boot.

Variations:
You could try adding some red peppers, red cabbage, or watermelon.  The first two if you're adamant about having a bit of crunch, the last if you've got a Mediterranean thing going or are craving some fruit.  

They all go with the base ingredients, and they bring in a whole new colour as well.

However, I really wouldn't add red onions, red radishes, or any 'red' lettuce.  It just makes the thing get too pungent or too chewy. 

Friday Fact/Fiction

(Some of this is true. Or not.)

For the last three years, I haven't posted on this blog because:

a) I decided to travel this world I find myself in, and decided to spend most of my earnings traipsing across the Andes, sub-Saharan Africa, the Central Asian 'Stans, and the Asean countries. I was usually so exhilarated and bewildered by the various trips, that I needed time to assimilate them at leisure on my return. Blogging about those experiences in the brief interludes of rest felt so ... bleh.

b) I began staring at words and could not recognise them anymore. The whole concept of language broke down. I had to seek therapy. This is my guilty fix.

c) I discovered a little ashram in the countryside and decided to spend some time there to fully understand who I really was. I farmed a bit, meditated a bit, stared at the scenery a lot. I once spent 47 days without talking.  I think they used to slip me drugs in the food. I managed to get away after I found myself cuddling a fern.

d) Too many people began to come close to finding out who I was, which got uncomfortable, and I also found myself following and commenting on blogs written by people I knew and then having to pretend when I met them in person, which just got weird.

e) I got into protest movements. One of them got ugly. The lackeys of the capitalist overlords decided to target me, forcing me to go on the run. I was eventually caught. The next few months were ... not nice.

f) Too many changes in life happened. Blogging was the last thing on my mind.

g) I no longer knew what I wanted to blog about. When I made up my mind about that, writer's block happened. I had to seek therapy.  This is my rejuvenation.

Either way, my poppets ... I'm back.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(While this could be true, it could also not be)
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When I was seven (or maybe eight), I was going through all the colour-coded Blyton short stories books. One of those carried this story about a mean woman who kept thumping and banging all her furniture and belongings, and how they (the table, the teapot, the pots, etc) got fed up and began playing tricks on her till she realised what was happening and started treating them better.

The story simultaneously made me thankful that there was at least one other person in the world who believed that the objects around us were alive and secretly communicating with each other, and made me even more paranoid for the same reason.

So if you catch me apologising after slamming a door, you know why.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(This may or may not be true)

I love seeing how people react to different situations.

To this end, once while in college, I painted my two littlest toe-nails a lovely pink colour, and walked about wearing floaters.

It took four minutes before the first person on the road spotted it, but it took three days before any of my friends did.

Draw your own conclusions.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

We're back by popular demand!

And to start off with, a simple soup. Because it feels like winter will never end here. And because I've been lazy with experimenting. And you can't go wrong with soup.

This does take longer than most of the previous dishes, but a large part of that doesn't involve you doing much.

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Onion-and-Couscous Soup

Time required:
About 45 minutes.

Keep ready (to serve 2 people):
Butter & oil, both 1 tbsp
Garlic, 1 plump* clove, crushed
Onion, 1-2 large ones, finely sliced
Coriander, cumin & turmeric powder
Tomato paste, 1 tsbp
Birds-eye chili, just the one, deseeded and finely chopped
Cinnamon, one medium stick
Stock, vegetable or chicken, 1 litre
Couscous**, a fifth to a quarter of a cup
Spring onions, handful, chopped
Coriander leaves, handful
Salt & pepper, to taste

Then:
On a medium-low heat, brown (but do not burn) the onions and garlic in the butter and oil, stirring occasionally. Depending on the type of hob you use, this should take about 10-15 minutes. It has to go a nice deep brown.

Turn the heat down, then add the spices, the chilli, the cinnamon, and the tomato paste and stir for about five minutes, so that the spices really release their essence. Add the stock, boil, then nearly-fully cover it and let it simmer for about 20 minutes.

Then add the couscous and spring onions and let simmer for another five minutes. Season. Garnish with coriander.

Serve with toasted, buttered pitta bread.


Why you should try this:
It's a cold evening. Your friends and family are making snide remarks about the inbuilt shock absorbers you're adding to your body. You cannot stand the thought of another greasy meal from outside, or another sandwich (heathen!), or anything heavy that will make you feel like a ship's anchor. And you're unsociable enough not to care about what your breath smells like.

This is the dish for you.

It's just heavy enough to fill you up, without making you waddle around the house. It's just spicy enough to kick your nerves awake without roasting them where they lie. And it doesn't need you to shop for more than four things (you do have some spices at home, right?).

Personally, I just love the oily effect of onions and butter on the surface of this soup. And I love couscous.

Variations:
1. You could try this with red onions, but they tend not to go so brown.

2. You could make this a more filling dish by adding strips of cooked chicken to it. Not shellfish though, doesn't go as well.

3. If you want to make this really filling, add a couple of potatoes to it. Dice them, and add them along with the spices.



* plump. plumpityplumpityplump. plump plomp plooomp. plimp plomp. plump plump pi plump.
** I realise that couscous can be hard to source in some places. Why this should be so is one of life's unfairnesseseseses (or something). So, if you can't get hold of some, use pearl barley instead.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(This could be true, but is it?)

For a couple of years, when I was in my early-teens, I ended up being cajoled into a Ganesh visarjan procession. A combined group of the smaller, five-day household ones.

Somehow, despite my intense aversion to the 'dhak-a-chikka-dhak-a-chikka-DHAK' music being blared by those horrible 'orchestra' bands, and the idiotic amounts of firecrackers being burst even as everybody was walking over them, I ended up dancing the entire way till the water's edge.

Four hours (two of them barefoot) of mindless and most-likelily cringe-worthy gyrations on a busy night-time Indian road. Four hours of waving at all the cars and buses crawling past as we edged along our way, not even wondering (or caring) if anybody I knew would spot me. Four hours of holi-colour-drenched, 'boom-boom-bu-boom, bu-bu-boom!' chaos.

Some quiet evenings I still end up smiling at the utter freedom I felt.

Some nights I still wake up shuddering at the insanity of it all.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

For Brinda (ok, and the rest of you as well). Because you had to know this one was coming.

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Guaranteed 100% no weight-gain India travel diet

Time Required:
The duration of your trip.

Do not keep ready:
Sitaphal ice-cream
Ghee medu vada
Cheese seeeeeeeeeeeendwich (Bombay ishtyle)
Ganne ka ras
Ragda payttis
Royal falooda
Dahi sev batata puri
Mango lassi
Jellababies
Aloo 65
And, of course, orange-flavoured hot chocolate.


Then:
Think about them, salivate, tell everybody how you're just waiting to get your hands on them - and then, for some reason quite unfathomable to yourself, make no attempt to partake of them*.


Why you should try this:
Everybody's allowed a temporary lapse of judgement.


* I'm still trying to figure out why I didn't.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

There are days when I feel low about the state I find my life in. Whenever that happens, I tend to go read just one paragraph* to make me appreciate what I have.

"A lot of good things had happened that day. He hadn't been thrown in the hole. The gang hadn't been dragged off to Sotsgorodok. He'd swiped the extra gruel at dinnertime. The foreman had got a good rate for the job. He'd enjoyed working on the wall. He hadn't been caught with the blade at the search point. He'd earned a favour from Tsezar that evening. And he'd bought his tobacco.

The end of an unclouded day. Almost a happy one. Just one of the 3,653 days of his sentence, from bell to bell".

- One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

* sure, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of excerpts from other books that could be said to be more potent, more evocative, and more graphic about human suffering. But the sheer simplicity and clarity of this one, and the way in which it brought down everything to a few simple, basic requirements hit my 15-year old cocky self like no Gogol or Dickens or anybody else ever had. And that initial impact has been hard to shake off.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(Things you may choose to believe about me. Or not.)

I lose about two kilos in weight if I miss breakfast for three or four days in a stretch.

Obviously, I don't put on any if I eat regularly, more damned luck mine.


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Tsk. Hate mail is bad for you. Avoid.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(Warning: This may or may not be true)

Some days, when I'm feeling malicious, I go to the Google page to search for and then click on the Yahoomail link. I then go to the Yahoo homepage and search for (and click on) the Hotmail link. And just to complete the circle, I visit the MSN page and search for (and click on) the Gmail link.

I like to think it hurts their ego a bit, for someone to come to their turf and then declare an affinity for their rival. I also keep hoping it screws up all their 'Most popular searches' lists.

If I'm feeling particularly malicious, I visit the Rediff page and search for (and click on) all the other three. Because after all, it's Rediff.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(Warning: May or may not be true)

Sometimes, when I'm feeling really, really blue, I take a few packets of jelly and bung them into a big pot.

After the mixture is ready, rather than chill it, I simply let it cool down till it's that right balance of not very firm but not very runny.

I then pour it into two small tubs and squish away with my fingers and toes simultaneously.

45 seconds later, Blue --> Buttercup yellow.


PS. When I get really, really, really, why-o-why-me-why blue, I find a bathtub and pour the jelly in it, and then just splash about.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

Bonus recipe!

To make up for all the times I haven't posted one. And because this is a wonderful dish to follow the one below.

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Sticky Cinnamon Pears

Time Required:
30 minutes.

Keep Ready (to serve 4):
4 medium (just-ripe) pears
Lemon juice
Cinnamon powder, 2tsp
Sugar, 50-60gm
Ice-cream

Then:
Core the pears, then peel and cut into halves. Prick them with a fork and rub some of the cinnamon powder onto them lightly. Also rub a little lemon juice onto them so that they don't discolour while you're getting the sauce ready. Keep aside.

In a saucepan, on a low-medium heat, melt the sugar and remaining cinnamon powder till it's completely liquid.

Place the pears in a baking tray, pour the syrup onto them and coat them evently, and bake for 25 minutes at 200C (or until they're golden). Occasionally check on them and spoon some of the syrup over the pears so they don't dry out too much. You'll know they're ready when you can slice through easily with a fork.

Serve with a large dollop of plain vanilla ice-cream.

Why you should try this:
It's bloody marvellous, that's why.

You serve this on a gloomy grey day, and one bite into the sour and sweet and cinnamonny warmth of this, all offset by the icy coldness of the ice-cream, and you might just be ready to forget the shitty day you've just had.


Variations:
If you can't eat ice-cream, or don't have any, some thick cream will do. You could even try it with custard, but that's just too sweet.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

See, I do fulfill requests. Eventually. It's a time thing - I have too much of it, so I fritter it away. Cynic, if you like, you can take the whole recipe (and any others) for the food blog - I'm too lazy to actually submit any.

Now this one takes a little more time than the others I've put up, but it's fairly simple to make. Perfect for a rainy monsoon day or chilly winter evening (or, if you live on this island, pretty much 95% of the year).

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Colourful Moroccan Tajine

Time Required:
About 45 minutes.

Keep Ready (in order) (to serve 4):
A large tajine
Oil (preferably olive)
Two cloves garlic, crushed
One red onion, roughly sliced
Turmeric, 1tsp
Cumin powder, 1tsp
Harissa paste*, 2 tsp
Cinnamon, small stick
Star anise, two pieces
Mustard paste, 1tsp
Tomato paste, 1tbsp
3-4 medium Potatoes, diced
2 carrots, diced
Chickpeas**, 250g
500ml stock
Mixed coloured peppers, sliced
Creme fraiche***, or curd, 5tbsp
Chopped fresh coriander


Then:
Heat the oil in the tajine over a medium-high heat, and add the garlic and onions. Cook till they just start to go golden, with the occasional stirring, then lower the heat to medium-low and add the harissa, cumin and mustard. Fry for about six to eight minutes (stirring continuously so that the spices don't stick to the tajine), till they are really aromatic.

Then add the tomato paste, potatoes and carrots and fry for a couple of minutes till they're well-coated with the spices. Add the chickpeas and the stock, bring to a boil, then cover the tajine and simmer for about 30 minutes till you've got a thickish gravy. Add the peppers, stir in the creme fraiche and fresh coriander and let cook for another 5 minutes.

Garnish with more coriander, and serve with hot pitta bread, hummus and olives. Or just serve on a bed of plain cous cous.


Why you should try this:
Cooking with/in a tajine is fun. It's like a mini-tandoor and very reminiscent of cooking biryani - it's slow, it needs attention so that the dish doesn't burn or become too dry, and the way the aroma slowly builds up and permeates the entire house is just divine.

This dish is not properly authentic (they wouldn't use mustard or anise in Morocco), but it is utterly filling and colourful, and makes for a great variation from only making channa masala with chickpeas. The creme fraiche or curd helps to soften the kick of the harissa, and when you dip in some hummus-lathered pitta and have a big mouthful of this - it's just wild.

Variations:
1) Traditionally, you would add some form of red meat or chicken to this. If you do, then add it before the veggies, and brown properly. If you don't want to use either, but would like the taste, you could use chicken stock instead.

2) You could also add the peppers in with the chickpeas. I tend to add them later so that they retain a little crunchiness.

3) You could also garnish with spring onions, instead of just coriander.

4) You could add additional veggies if you really want to make it can't-possibly-move-an-inch heavy - cauliflower, courgettes, leeks.



* This is the key ingredient in the dish. If you can't find any readymade harissa paste, bloody well make some.
** Tinned chickpeas are the easiest. If you can only get hold of dried ones, please soak them for a couple of hours beforehand at least.
*** Creme fraiche is always preferable to curd, simply because it's not as sour as curd can be, and it also lends to a more thick consistency.

Friday Fun: Fpoor Fpuns

Q: Why are partying bachelors referred to as 'stags'?
A: Because they're very horny*.


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This has to be the reason right? I haven't found any better explanation through much hunting onWeb.



* If you're pedantic enough to be going "But noooo - that's antlers", I've got two words for you....shuddup now.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(True? Not? You decide)

Every time I hear someone say that "Bombay* ends at Bandra/Dadar/Worli/", I instantly launch a subtle and emergency-related plan to lure their snotty asses all the way to Bhandup, and get them lost in the mangroves there. Just to prove to them that the city never ends.

So far it's worked on eight people.



* It'll always be Bombay.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(Warning: This may or may not be true)

I collect mugs. Individual, oddball pieces. From tiny espresso shot ones to one pint (half-litre) steins.

No sets, though. I totally fail at the 'Ideal Party-Hosting Etiquette' test.

Friday Fun: Fpoor Fpuns

Q: What did the (very) young Pakistani entrepreneur name the "special" style of tea that he sold in Bombay*?
Or,
Q: What would you call a range of hair-growth inducing herbal teas?

A: Baal**-tea.


And I'm not the only one with steeped leaves on my mind today.


* If you've never been to the UK, is a pun on this.
** Youth, or child, in Marathi.

Friday Fun: Food Fiesta

It's been a year and a quarter since I put up one of these. Quite the surprise death, and this despite my promise to share the tofu cheesecake recipe. Maybe that was it. Or maybe it was because some people made fun of one of my favourite combinations.

Anyway.....ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

For newcomers - this is not a chef's course. This is about (relatively) quick and uncomplicated dishes that look gorgeous and taste delightful. Also, calories don't exist (in the sense that they don't matter because we ignore them).

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The Sandwich


Time Required:
As long as it takes.

Keep Ready:
Slices of good, soft, white bread*.
Butter**
Mint-and-coriander chutney
Hummus
Spicy mustard
Mayonnaise
Tomatoes, sliced
Cucumbers, peeled and sliced
Lettuce (any except Iceberg)
Cheese***
Hot & sweet Tomato chilli sauce
Green tabasco/Spicy Jalapeno sauce
Black pepper

Then:
Butter one side of every slice. Generously. Screw the recession and your waistline, this is a Sandwich!

Apply the three spreads to the slices (one to each slice), so that you have an even number of each. Team them up in any of the following combinations - hummus and chutney, mayo and chutney, mustard and mayo, mustard and chutney.

Try triple-decking them. The order could be - mayo (bottom-most), mustard (underside of slice two), chutney (topside of slice two), and hummus (underside of slice three).

Then add in the veggies, with large slivers of cheese. Ensure the tomatoes go with hummus, cucumbers never go with the mayo, and the cheese does not mix with mustard.

Add your sauces, avoiding ketchup with hummus, and the spicy jalapeno with mustard. Crush some fresh black pepper.

Insert any other ready filling of your choice - boiled eggs, omelettes, meat slices, corn fritters, potato patties, smoked salmon....anything except a full-blown burger.

Cover. Slice - diagonally, length-wise, breadth-wise, into quarters.

Relish.


Why you should try this:
A good sandwich is not just made, it is created. It is a work of love, and art, and nuances. It is about delicate introductions made with the aim of forging lasting bonds. It demands thought, and devotion, and attention.

Not for us the random slapdash affair of stuffing the most convenient edible item between two slices, to be swallowed down with a cup of tepid tea or coffee whilst surfing the latest ramblings of somebody you still harbour suspicions about not being who their blogger profile claims they are.

No. This is about a well-crafted piece of nuanced flavours that delight in complementing each other, and more so, in satisfying you with every just-enough bite that you chew your thoughtful way through, even as you marvel at the wondrous spectacle that you hold.

This is not just about the sandwich. This is about you.


Variations:
You could add red onions, or boiled beetroot, or even grated carrots.

But you'd be a philistine if you did.



* Wholemeal is fine and healthy. Malted and soda breads are intriguing for the palate. A proper ciabatta is divine. Crusty bread is yum for dipping into tea. But a truly great sandwich needs soft, white, who-cares-how-unhealthy-it-is, oh-this-is-so-amazing-I-even-ate-the-crusts bread. This is just how it is. Do not fight the force.
** Always with the butter. Please stop making me repeat this. And not margarine. Butter.
*** Ideally a medium Cheddar, Red Leicester, or Gruyere. Something flavourful but not overpowering. No blue cheeses, mozzarella, or goats cheese.

Friday Fun: Fpoor Fpuns (For Veena)

...actually, this one really is fpoor, because it's not ready.

I know there's got to be a Q&A joke about your one and only* and this chain, but I haven't been able to figure it out in three weeks, and it's driving me crazy.

So, a hazy pun for you.

Also, yes. (Major) Groan.



* For those who don't get it, please to be reading her blog. Ok fine, be lazy. Husband 'Bill' comes from Tagore-land.
Now go read her blog.