Of bikes and blogs

You know how they say resuming an activity is just like riding a bicycle again?

Yeah, very helpful.

Because they don't tell you that it kind of depends on the kind of cycle you're going to use. And the kind of bike you were used to.  Whether it had gears or not, whether it used thick, knobbly tyres or smooth, thin ones.  Whether it had a bottle-carrier clip, or had quick-release wheels, or had a dip handlebar.

And they don't tell you it depends on whether the terrain you're cycling on is different from the one you were used to.  And whether the weather* and climate is different.

And they don't tell you whether you'll be using cycle lanes or not.  And whether you'll be travelling on country lanes or city roads.  And whether you'll have street lighting to ride by.

And they don't tell you whether this is going to be a solitary ride where you can spread your arms and pretend you're flying (really low), or whether you'll have to jostle with other cyclists or trying to dodge drivers who insist in believing you exist solely so they can rack up imaginary GTA points.

And they don't tell you your legs are going to ache so bad, and then you're going to stare at the bike day after day, knowing you really should get on it again because it'll only get easier each time you do it, but the thought of putting on your gear and your helmet and greasing it up and getting it on the road just does you in.

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I know, I know, the old truisms are old because they're true. 
And to write well, one must first write.
And write often.
One must.

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I've been doing some other wordy stuff of late, and the drastic difference between that work and this blog is causing a ... slowdown.

It's almost schizophrenic, having to settle into a completely different mindset for each side. And it's something I underestimated.

I'd assumed this blog would be something I could just easily return to, and these random jottings would flow easily once again.  Not realising just how much thought used to go into those random jottings. Not realising that this represented a part of me that I was focusedly delving into, digging specifically into, and which when left alone, would just heal over and close up.  Not realising that those boring old things like dedicating a time to write, sticking to a schedule, might actually be necessary.

Of course, this block itself is fascinating.  But it's too irksome. So away with it. Sacchi.




* Isn't "whether you can weather the weather"just the most delicious phrase?

Relapse

I know it's early days, but it still feels strange being back.

Yes, yes, I know I promised to lay off this topic for a while. It's like a drug, ok? Just read on.

I look at this blog and it feels ... surreal. Like something I know from a dream.  I scroll through my feed-list, and there are some names and blogs I don't recognise.  At all.  I can't remember why they had been added on, where I first discovered them, what the connections were.  And this is me, proud of remembering arcane bits of trivia, and small details of long-ago encounters.

It's unnerving, and I wonder if it's to do with the ephemeral nature of blogs and our own innate needs of wanting to know people.  When you don't know much about the people you read, you inadvertently begin to create their images in your imagination-mould.  And so I keep finding myself going through old comments, on this blog and others, to try and find those links again and re-build the identities of those who (I think) I used to know. I find myself reading old posts, going through old comments, slowly re-creating a sense of the little world I used to inhabit.

It feels so strange. Especially when most of the voices are silent, when so many of the blogs have been shut down or locked off.  I keep trying to remember their posts while cursing myself for not saving the ones I liked.  I think of all the ideas and projects people used to talk of, or suggest to each other.  It all feels vaguely ghostly, like flashbacks of a previous life.

I keep thinking of cycles - why and how we blogged, how I happened across so many after they had established blogentities and so many came across me after I had, why we stopped when we did, whether anybody will come back like I have.

I keep wondering why I feel so blue about this.  I knew it was inescapable that I would, however peripherally, come to know some people through the blog. And I know I deliberately kept my distance (and still am). And I know this means I can only conjecture about their lives and their (possible) writing now.  So why am I filled with so much blehness when scrolling down this long list of defunct blogs and silent voices? Why am I upset that so many have faded away, little by little, pulled away by new writing and new jobs and new cities and new babies and old health woes (and yes, perhaps because they had voiced all they had to, or were done with the experiment of blogging)?  After all, if I really want, all I need to do is reach out to those who I know know these others, and find out what they have been upto.  Simple enough.

I guess it's mostly because of the comments.  The banter. The bad puns.  The in-jokes. The cross-post references.  The encouragements. The suggestions. The demands.

The ... community.

I keep coming back to that word. People - and blogs - can't really exist in a vacuum.  Especially when you don't really promote yourself much, and have a few (dozen) readers, and only follow a few dozen blogs yourself.  You begin to understand the voices better, look to them for new material, turn to them for their opinions. You carve out your own little friendly corner of the interweb.  And when the voices go away, well, it all goes away*.

I guess the solution is to reach out anew.  Find new blogs to read, or discover old ones still going strong.  Comment, make new blogbuddies, remain invigorated.  Maybe, maybe.  But one can also try and become a rallying point for others to draw hope from (however infrequently).  A point where the old faithful can occasionally congregate and swap notes and go away smiling again.  And having drawn such hope myself from those who've kept going in these past years, I guess it's time to relieve their burden a bit.  Time to keep blogging away and hope to lure the quiet(ened) ones back, and encourage the existing voices to not stop.

So I won't call out KM, Phanty, Flaffy, Falsie, Pri, Scout, OTP, Brinda, The Punkster, Veena, Ludwig, BM, Bikerdude, Baby V, and the others.  Because right now I gotta give back. So, go ahead, sit back and just read.  But maybe, someday, if you feel like piping up, that'd be just splendid (splendid I say!).  Who knows, you may even get the others talking and writing again.

Also, I miss you guys.  Wherever you are.


* I'd love for somebody to chart the activity levels and subsequent decline of blogs compared to those of their peers.

On anonymity and being a blogger. Again.

This blog has always been slightly obsessed with meta discussions on blogging, being a blogger, and being unknown to the people in your blogging community.  It's not done yet.

All those musings were partly out of curiousity at the process and world I was involved in, and partly due to my growing belief that words should be judged on their own merit, not because of who wrote them (read the written, not the writer).

Keeping my identity private was an effective screening process - it provided me with the luxury of getting to know people (in as much as a blog can let you) and then deciding whether they were the ones I wanted to know better. Plus, it meant I didn't have to be rude by not agreeing to know somebody just because they had read my blog and thought they knew me. Yes, ironical, I know.

I also wanted to avoid cliques. Avoid carrying blog conversations offline, or bringing the latter ones to pages here. I didn't like it when people would have private conversations on public forum, so I decided not to inflict it on others. Whatever was there, was on the blog.

Plus, it's hard enough to keep track of the friends I have - and I mean the chaddi-buddy, yeh-fine-lets-go-take-on-a-mafia-gang type of friends, not Facebook contacts.  And it's harder to deal with the sense of loss of not being able to spend more time with them, scattered as we are across the world.  So why would I want to get to know more interesting people only to drift away from them as well?

More than anything, though, I kept private because there was the ever-present possibility that I would not keep this up longer, and would one day cut loose and vamoose.  I wanted to avoid all the questions, the prodding to maybe come back - all of which I could ignore if I simply didn't know anybody.

And that's how it turned out.  It was so easy to just snap ties. Sure, I may have been able to put a few names to some avatars, and I may have exchanged a few emails, but that was it.  Time to move, no explanations necessary. It was liberating, and made me feel just a little like young Kimball O'Hara.

Except that it was callous.  Small as my readership may be, and transient as a blog-life may be, it was disrespectful to just stop like that without any explanations.  I'd log in once in a few months, and check my feeds, and wonder what was happening with the people who had gone silent too. Were they busy writing books? Did they get married? Did they have new jobs? Were they even alive?  Even if one person had wondered that about me, then I had been terribly rude.

Which doesn't mean that I'm going public.  What I am doing is telling you that if I need to stop writing again, I will tell you and tell you why. And if I cannot do so myself, there's a backup which will do so for me.  This much I owe you.

And I do apologise.

*     *      *    *    *    *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *      *      *

Of course, I'm not planning to go away anytime soon again. Especially since I have a better idea of what this blog should be about.

This long absence has given me lots of time to go over these pages, and to clean up the output.  Lots of entries are gone, several more have been edited.  And a clearer sense of my ... voice ... is now known to me.  One which I plan to exercise a lot more, honing and refining till I don't have to go back and edit it anymore.

Some of the categories are unlikely to be revisited. There's going to be less outrage (because it doesn't really help), less commentary, and hopefully, more random weirdness.

I may not necessarily be as prolific as a result, but I hope to be better.

A world grown strange

Long ago (or what feels like it), I had written about how blogs are like neighbourhoods.  Well, Dorothy, this old hangout sure feels different.

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It feels strange to be back.

A looksee around this pad of mine, tracing the outlines of what was once a second home. The accumulations of a wandering mind, all so immediately familiar, yet subtly alien, as if a twin had evolved it. Sudden hesitations mark what I seem to remember performing unthinkingly, demanding a closer look, demanding me to wonder what made me choose them.  There's a slight frigidity about the place, a pseudo-life that was created and abandoned, vaguely aware of wanting to be angry at its maker yet failing to truly be able to do anything because it never really was.

I contemplate apologising, but I wonder who it is that wants to apologise, and to whom.  Some vortexes keep on sucking.

A rush outside, away away from this uncertainty.  To solidity, to the areas based on strong foundations and with long-term tenants.  To the places of known shelter and amusement and serenity and wonder. To my block.

But it isn't anymore.  Not all of it.

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I notice the forlorn silences of some parts, and laugh at my naivety that nobody else would go wandering. I delve a little into these empty expanses, learning histories through recent markers, trying to fill in the gaps when there are none. So many unknowns, so many aching questions.

I wonder, did all of us expect the others to be our constants? Did the rest too expect the party to keep going, hoping to slide back into their favourite seat to the tune of a friendly wave, hoping that nobody else would want to explore? Did the others also sometimes return quietly like this, watching the slow desolation, shuffling off in quiet regret, asking the same questions?

I almost feel that I can feel their after-presence, and I try to reach past these sealed doors to discover the imprints they left behind, hoping to understand more.  There is no way in, or back. I wonder where they are, who they are. I wonder why I almost never wondered about this before. I wonder if they don't either.

*   *   *   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *   *    *    *    *
I stare at some addresses, certain I used to visit them often, but no longer able to recognise them properly.  The nameplates mock me and the ego of my memory-boasts, but even their scorn can barely highlight a path through this fog.

The funny teenager merges into the roving foodie who overshadows the larking musician who ask me how I could so truly forget this all and whether I was really fully there when I was here and what does that say about who I was and am and why I should expect renewed invitations.  Do you really not remember that time, that joke, that conversation... I stand silent, confounded, searching frantically within for the person who could so easily unremember, running so fast you would think I hoped never to find that one.  I contemplate super-imposed brain scans under a green light, but I know the answer is easier to find.  As is the path back.

*   *   *   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *   *    *    *    *
I pause sometimes before houses I never really knew, dwellings of friends of friends and complete strangers who were always described as interesting, whose overheard conversations and inner jokes sometimes touched me by, who I said I would one day find out about, but never truly did.

I try to imagine the stories I never heard, the connections I missed, the inner worlds I never discovered. I try to convince myself of the old excuses of time and identity, and realise I have no one to fool but myself. And I know that's something I won't let myself do again. I move on for now, promising to at least think of cadging an introduction and exploring these avenues. All the while knowing there will always be too much, and too little time.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And all the while, I remain aware of the rooms still tenanted and pass quietly under the cautious gazes.

I notice some of the changes in the furnishings in them, notice how some show signs of new interests and lost interests.  I wondering if I'm only imagining the hurt aloofness and in the lively laughter, a promise that these conversations have decided to pass me by.  I try to reach out, to answer, to speak.  I try to think of reasons that would evoke acceptance and forgiveness and welcome, that would cut off discussions on friendships and trust and prodigality. I try, but know I won't be able to, knowing that I haven't been able to in all my absence. What can you say to those who were your own? There is nothing to say. There is so much to say.

*   *   *   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *   *    *    *    *
I finish my tour and here I finally stand, in the middle of this neighbourhood.  I mark the empty meeting spots. The quietly-carrying-on bookshop. The diner that no longer worries about creations, but offers filling nutrition. The children's play area that's come up.  The houses that are now just yearly retreats for those who have gone on to more successful things.  The new couples walking along. The broken hearts mending, some new, some a-new. The lenses capturing these images. The pens putting all of this to poetry.

I hover, uncertain of the next move.  I think of making my rounds, knocking on the doors, seeing who'll have me back. But I know that would be too false, too eager, too not-me. I think of calling up the few ever-dependables and asking them to spread the word, but I was never the life of the party that everyone flocked to come, just the one to the off-centre, shouting out the occasional funny line.

I decide instead to stay out here for a while, on my old seat.  There's so much reading to catch up on.  There's so many names and introductions and chats and bad puns to remember.  I'll put out some tea and baked goodies, hoping it won't seem like too much of a bribe, knowing that they will know it is.

I wonder who will notice, who will come.  I wonder if it will be enough for them to simply hear that that this time I don't plan to go away.  I wonder where this will go.  There's so much to learn again, so much to see, so many procedures and names and links to learn.  So many discussions to be had, so many stories to tell. So much of so much of so many worlds.  All in time.

For now, it's time to reclaim my spot.

50 Reasons Why You Should Blog - #48

You might just get somebody in charge to listen* - and get a free book out of it.



* Check the comments. And just for that, I'm going to go buy a copy of her book. Nice people should be encouraged.

There is still Hope

I've come to the conclusion that bloggers are pack animals.

It is a truth (which should be) universally acknowledged that bloggers need other bloggers. Not just so that there is somebody to read their own witterings and tell them how utterly and stupendously brilliant they are (which is always appreciated, of course), because you don't have to bloggers to do that, just readers.

No, bloggers need other bloggers to blog. As sounding boards. As empathy boards. As triggers for subconscious posts. As guides for things they didn't know existed. As benchmarks for the levels of literary/comic/sarcastic brilliance possible. As markers for what already exists out there, and what else they could write about.

I've realised I used to blog more (and better) when there the other bloggers I read also blogged frequently. Heck, that's why I began blogging - because I liked what others were posting, and wanted to add to the fun and craziness. I see my posts from 18 months back, and they're prolific and diverse and (compared to recent posts) experimental. And that's because there was such a strong peer group then. Anki, BM/OTP, Baby and Puppy, CS, Falsie, Flaffy, KM, Ph, Pri, Punkster, Reno, Roswitha, Scout, Space, Szer, The Bride, TR, Wiseling....everyone was blogging a lot, and blogging about diverse things*. Now - well, now KM and The Bride are still going strong, but Space has episodes, Falsie's still in Etudes mode, Szer's going pictorial-only, Pri's going on and on about some cheesy soap-opera where people pretend to be able to sing, and everybody else...well (TR's excused because of the sprog). And yes, there are other blogs one reads and interacts with it now, but these were the first ones I did, and they left their mark.

But.

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining and all.

And so returns a place of...well, not hope, but of - Withering sarcasm. Nautanki. And heart-achingly personal outbursts. The kinds that make you squirm at being exposed to so much, so intimately, but which you can't stop reading, because it reminds you of who you were/are/could have been, and because you cannot cease to be amazed at the fortitude it must take to be able to declare it all publicly.

But most of all, a blog that's brilliant.

And so, without further ado, the event you have all been waiting for, the spectacle to end all spectacles, the one thing that was missing from your lives even though you did not know it, featuring the return of the Queen of Melodrama, the Empress of Confessions, the girl who put the 'ingapo' in Singapore, the Blogger Most Extraordinare....

Scout!
Is.
Back!


Cue total dhinchaak band-baaja music. No, seriously, we love cheesy.

Go give her your love.


PS. AndIswearifyoutrollherI'llcomethumpyousomerealgood.

On anonymity and being a 'girl' blogger

For Aishwarya, who reminded me that I hadn't quite detailed this, and has been kind enough not to nag me about it in all the weeks since.

****************************************************************************

There are many ways in which blogging can mess with your mind, and assumptions about pseudonymous bloggers is right up there.

When I began blogging, I did so with a deliberate intent for it to be a fresh start. It was not to be an extension of my identity, although it would be sourced from me. I wasn't sure what I was going to blog about, and I didn't want to inflict this on anybody I knew, so I chose not to go public with my identity. And for those who didn't know me, well, it really shouldn't have mattered who I was.

Of course, I knew it would matter, because none of us are really comfortable with the anonymous or the unknown. And in a world that has become so used to - and wary of - hoaxes, attempting to ask someone to accept that you're a decent person and what you say is on the level, is perhaps attempting something rather quixotic.

And so, I reached a decision. I didn't want (need) to let some strangers into my personal life, but I was happy discussing, and being educated and introduced to, all other issues. This was not to be a diary, but rather, an outlet for the randomness inherent in me that circumstances had led to being mildly curtailed.

But I decided to take it a step further, and not describe myself at all. No details about what gender I belonged to, where I was from, my approximate age-grouping, nothing (it's a different matter that most of this has now emerged).

This decision to remain undescribed was partially triggered by a curiosity to know just how far people would go in accepting what I was writing, and how they would intepret it. Especially given that the circles I was bound to end up in would be full of literary, questioning minds. At what point, I wondered, would somebody say "Yes, yes, this is all very interesting, but how do we know you really believe this, and are not just yanking our chain*?"

(...and before you get all angry at feeling as being made part of some social experiment, please do note the 'partially' in the above para).

It was also partly encouraged by a curiosity to see how the words sounded like without context, with any bias about who was writing them. Even to me. I wanted to see whether all these things I was thinking and writing made sense when I re-read them (while trying to assume somebody else had written them). This practice is....interesting...because sometimes when you re-visit thoughts that you pour out spontaneously and passionately, you discover that they don't really make as much sense when they're viewed more calmly (This is not good for your ego, and leads to a whole new can of jumping jackfruit). Or, sometimes, they do make sense, but you discover additional angles and insights (by far the tastier, and more preferred option).

(This is why, if you ever go through the archives again, you might notice that the posts have been edited, or (in drastic cases) deleted).

I guess it was also because of my uncertainty over the whole blogging thing itself. I wasn't sure why I was doing it, wasn't sure how long I would keep at it, and I wanted to retain the option of being able to pack it all in and leave with a minimum of fuss if I got bored or frustrated with it.

This whole approach seemed to be acceptable, although there were the expected speculations. Largely, though, people were ready to accept the posts and the blogger at face-value (and don't I thank you all for it). However, once I got set in, and began to get read, something rather interesting occurred.

People began to assume that I was female.

Which wasn't such a obviously-wrong thing to do, given the number of female-rights news articles that I kept pointing to, and all those recipe-posts. And it seemed to get confirmed when I left a comment on one of my posts using a friend's login - who happened to be female.

But.

It was an assumption. And like all group activities, it took one person to decide that the assumption was true, state it publicly one day, and everybody else assumed so. It didn't help that I didn't explicitly deny it - I just sort of ignored it. But it gained ground and within a few days, seemed to be a firmly established fact. To the extent that even new readers to the blog assumed the same.

Although, I can somewhat understand that last bit, because when I visit a new blog, I try to get to know more about the blogger from the comments. But what was interesting was that this assumption was accepted despite any evidence to support it from the actual writing.

This was all very fascinating. Anything that I now wrote, was being perceived through the lens of my being a female (apart from, possibly, Space Bar, who had her doubts). Even though these were the same things that I'd been blogging about from the beginning. And as this continued, and as I began to mention more about myself, the image of me that others had (or, that I seemed to believe they had) gradually diverged further and further from who I really was.

To the extent that even I began to see this person as somebody real. Increasingly, when I sat down to blog, I would feel the presence of a young woman who was lucky enough to be able to eat what she wanted without having to worry about weight, liked to cook, loved SF&F, was vehemently outraged about the rights of women (especially in India), and who was given to madcap antics (at least in her own mind).

It began to subtly affect the matter of my posts and my comments. I increasingly spoke about myself and my habits and likes and dislikes, trying to see if someone would realise I didn't seem like a woman, but it only seemed to make people think I was some kind of tomboy. I increasingly became careful about how I would word my comments (especially in discussions/arguments), so as to say what I wanted to, without completely revealing myself to be not-female.

It was also interesting in a literary sense. I remember that somebody (probably OTP) had linked to some online 'calculator' that would try to define you as male/female depending on the content of your blog. And I realised how silly that was. Because in speech, we casually - and perhaps unconsciously - use words that relate to our gender. But in writing, most of this gets stripped away - at least, if you write. Because that is the mark of a good writer - being able to convince the reader that they can truly detail what the character is feeling/thinking, without letting the reader even slightly remember what gender the writer belongs to. And if you visit a large number of blogs and don't try to find out anything about the blogger, or if you're given blind samples of blog-extracts, it would be seriously difficult to try and identify whether the blogger is male or female (exceptions for Diaryists, of course).

It was fascinating to see how people also received the posts, because of the female-assumption. Take this post for instance. I suspect that if I had written it today, I would have got a lot more "ugghs" and "ewws", followed by "such a typical guy thing to do". Then, it caused mild surprise. And there were others like that. And if you haven't realised it, my Urf-post was the ideal Urf, because not only was it not in my style, it made people convinced I was the gender that I really wasn't.

It even got to the stage where I semi-considered "coming out", and confirming my 'female identity'. I was tempted to start writing posts which were subtly but definitely female in tone, so as to make people seem that I was slipping up about who I was without realising it (yes, too many spy movies).

Thankfully, better sense prevailed and I chose to end the matter when I did a few months ago. Because anything else would have simply been a betrayal of trust....and a rather sad and silly thing to do. Also, it was seriously curbing the kind of posts I wanted to write, and the comments. How things are now, is much better.

Now, lest you think I'm laughing at everybody who was part of this then - I'm certainly not, ok? I understand why you would have thought what you did - I would have done the same. The fact that you accepted it, and didn't question me, is a mark of the level of trust involved, and I'm thankful for that. But it's fascinating nevertheless, and I'm just detailing what was, and why.

....although there are days when I wonder how much fun it would have been if I had kept quiet about being a guy.


* What chain? Does anybody know the origin of this phrase?

Now class...oh you know - Le finale

And finally, how do you define a blogger. Or rather, a Blogger.

Shefaly points me to this good post by Usha Vaidyanathan, which covers a similar tangent. The valid points raised there, taken together with that discussion on blogging and writing, leads to some interesting conclusions.

Such as, while some writers may also be bloggers, it's not necessarily true in reverse. Neither, I would add, is it a given that all writers can be bloggers, or that no blogger can be a writer. It is possible that people can bridge, or even overcome, the gaps that separate the two activities.

It is interesting how similar they can be, and how dissimilar.

Both demand a certain discipline of regularity. Both allow you to explore themes and ideas and voices with widespread freedom. Both are intensely individualistic activities, and hold an element of suprise for the giver and the receiver as to what will come next.

Because it so much more personal, so much more free-form. And so much more time-dependent. We all know the feeling - miss a few days of following other blogs, and you're saddled with scores of posts to read, and comments to go through.

And in this sense, blogging resembles not so much editorial and comment-pieces, but conversations you have in the college canteen. With people going on about whatever little or major thing that happened to them in the last day, and commenting about the latest news in the world, all in ever-fluid groupings formed of mutual interest.

And just like in college, it's possible to just drift into these conversations, and find yourselves a few months later intrinsically embedded in them. And some day, some people just up and leave, because they find other things to do, or their honours classes leave them no time to indulge in chatter.

And this is why (I feel) some people create blogs, post for a while, and then go off. Because they've fulfilled whatever need it was that made them start it in the first place, or because they realise they've exhausted whatever benefit they could get from it, or because they just got inundated with other things to do.

I've tried to convince myself that the above sort of activity isn't 'real' Blogging.

I've tried to believe that there's some sort of an ideal, where the blogger is devoted to the cause, and doesn't just start a blog and maintain it because "it's there", but rather because it is something they want to, or need to, do. A person who doesn't just blog just so they can tick it off the labels they attach to themselves, or as a conversation-piece, or to add to their resume - but because it is something who they believe themselves to be. Who uses the medium to enhance themselves, and guide others, and forge an existing idea into something new. Who doesn't stop posting and say it's because of "real-life".

Somebody who chooses to say "I am a blogger", rather than "I also blog".

But, I'm not convinced.

Or rather, I'm not convinced that's all that blogging is. Because it can be an additional activity that one does, alongside one's guitar-playing and book-reading and marathon-running. It can be something you just come back to occasionally. It can be something you take part in, as an extension of your other activities, without considering it to be anything more than another medium of expression. It can be something you turn to because you need it then, and something you move on from, once you've had your say and done your thing.

This is probably not very illuminating, but then, I'm thinking aloud - and that's what blogging is too.

And perhaps, trying to define Blogging, or blogging, is just a futile exercise, because there are as many forms of it as there are the people who do it.

Now class, let's talk about bloggers - Part 2

So, two things to answer - why we blog, and how do you define a blogger.

The easier one first - why do we blog? Shefaly's post earlier this week offers an answer:

"Some blog for professional reasons; some blog to create a discussion and a community; some are working to create a living archive of their lives; some blog because they need the discipline of writing regularly; some blog because others are blogging."

But those reasons only partly fulfill why I started blogging, and continue to, and how I do. To explain those reasons.....flashback!

**********Backintimemode eshtart keejiye*************************************

I originally decided to dabble in blogging while setting up a blog for a friend over four years ago. After that petered out, I began this blog over two years ago. It stayed static with one three-line post till the period that you can see regular blogging beginning (from the archives). Why?

Because I had nothing to say.

I began the blog because I felt that I needed to learn to write again (see here why I'd stopped). There was also this conceit that the book that had been bubbling inside might eventually reveal itself, once I did some, you know, actual writing. And a blog seemed like a good intermediate way to go about things (of course, that idea got canned (and you know why)).

But, after months of that one post, nothing happened. And I realised I'd really started the blog because I thought I should, and because - as Shefaly says - everybody else had.

When I did eventually start properly blogging, it was because -
* I felt like it
* I had something to say (however undefined and random it may seem)
* I found it was fun.

And that's why I still do it. Of course, the sense of community is another major reason, otherwise I would have never been part of this maaaad pun-a-thon (which was, like, the bestest!).

*****************Backintime mode khatam**************************************

So, more reasons. To which, as Shyam notes, some people just do it for the glory. To which KM adds - le moolah. To which Shefaly appends, 'archiving' or building a 'repository of material' which may be used elsewhere. Not to mention there have to be people out there just doing it so they can get a date (and no, not Falsie - have you not read his posts? After that introduction, kaun dimaag ki maari bechaare ko chipkegi? (Don't worry Falsie, we still love you)).

But that's not all, surely. Some people do it because they need to vent, or to receive some form of validation. Some people blog because they have the time to spare to do it, and because they can. And some people just want to get a book deal out of it and make some money.

And that, perhaps, is that.

And so, to come to the crux of the matter, is there something called a Blogger, or is that just another myth invented so that we can feel a little better about ourselves?

Ummm...in part 3 ok?

Now class, let's talk about bloggers - Part 1

Earlier this year, I'd asked whether Blogging could be considered to be a form of writing - an idea which Falsie and KM were quick to refute. Later on, it occurred to me that perhaps the more pertinent question should have been about what I so authoritatively described in the last couple of paras of that post. Namely, is there a difference between having a blog, and blogging?

My definition then was simple - the former being the mere creation of a blog to put up stuff that was already created, and the latter being the process of reactive and/or stream-of-consciousness writing.

But this definition seemed simplistic, because a blog can be more than just about posting your thoughts, memories, or opinions. It's a (web) log isn't it, and so even if it is just the writings of that person, it can be seen as a log of that person's thought process and the changes (if any) in their writing style.

So a blog (perhaps) is simply a personal page for a person to put up whatever they want, or like.

It was then that I realised that what I'd done was simply define the medium...not the users of the medium. And this perhaps was because of the phrasing of the question (hey, even super-intelligent pandimensional species get this wrong, ok?).

So perhaps, the question really was - is there a difference between someone who has a blog, and a blogger?

Now this, finally, was interesting. And although it may seem as semantics, it goes to the very heart of what (to me) blogging is, and understanding why those of us who do it, do so.

More of this in the next post (I'm splitting them because otherwise it would too lengthy - the next one up in a few hours).

Dear Sir/Madam,

Further to the post on 'blogs as neighbourhoods' (re: (More) Thoughts on Blogging, dated Wednesday 24th September, 2008), I would like to bring to your kind attention that the concept described in the post above (hereinafter referred to as 'the previous post') can also be applied to a further instance, viz., parties.

As proof, I would like you to submit to you that the entire virtual domain of blogs (variously referred to as 'blogosphere', 'blogland', or 'bloggyworld') be assumed to be a standard party given at an individual's abode of residence. Keeping this in mind, it is my humble argument that blogs and bloggers can be compared to the generic personality-types that frequent such parties. In evidence, I propose that -

1) Some bloggers represent the effervescent personalities commonly referred to as 'the life of the party' (hereinafter referred to as Type A). These Type A personalities attract the most attention at the party, as everybody else is keen to either meet them or be seen with them. Complete attention is paid to any uttering made by Type A personalities, however banal and trite, and are invariably followed by a chorus of affirmations, exclamations about the insightful nature of the utterings, and exhortations to continue delivering more of the same.

2) At the self-same party, there are also exist those who mingle exclusively amongst their own friends (hereinafter referred to as Type B personalities), and who have attended the party only because their friends are attending too (this attendance is equally likely to be due to reluctant agreement under peer pressure, or because they genuinely wanted to attend and were supported by the afore-mentioned friend circle). Type B personalities usually make little attempt to get involved in conversations with those outside their immediate circle, although they may be open to following such conversations from a distance.

3) I would like to submit that such a party will also include the inevitable 'lonely soul' (hereinafter referred to as Type C personalities), who is determined to inhabit any ill-noticed position, either due to an innate shyness, or due to a desire to observe the events of said party without being involved directly. Type C personalities are not immediately forthcoming when approached, but are usually prone to become highly voluble about topics that they are particularly passionate about.

4) Additionally, the party includes 'speechy' and 'preachy' people (hereinafter referred to as Type D personalities), who can be counted upon to fulminate excitably on a range of topics, preferably those that are in the limelight of current affairs. This passion is often seized upon by mischief-minded individuals ('trolls', or Type T personalities) at the party to work Type D personalities into a frenzy, usually by making some derogatory remark about such topics, for the sole purpose of providing entertainment.

5) Additionally, a large number of bloggers may be classified as the 'standard guest' seen at the party (hereinafter referred to as Type G personalities), and who are content to enter, enjoy, and exit the party with a minimum of fuss. Type G personalities usually partake fully of all the opportunities the party provides, and are unrestrained in mingling with others, even those they may not already know.

I hope the above examples quite clearly support my original argument, and will be viewed as such by your good self.

I eagerly await your astute judgement of the matter, and kindly request you to expedite the matter at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,
??!

(More) Thoughts on blogging

These posts are over a week delayed, but I can't seem to be sorting the ideas systematically. So I'm resorting to that old cliche about just writing, and (hopefully) letting them sort themselves out.

**************************************************************************
I've posted before about how blog relationships are like Venn diagrams. It has since occurred to me that there are other models to describe blogs, and bloggers.

Neighbourhoods, for instance.

An extension of the concept that each blog has its own 'address'.

Some blogs are like those neighbourhoods that are more popular and more desired than others. Everybody wants to be seen there, and even if they don't inhabit the area, they want to be known as if they are close to people who do inhabit them. These blogs are always full of life, with lots of back-and-forth chatter between the cool folk who're seen as being privileged to live there.

Such blogs also attract lots of lookers-on, shy folk who want to become part of this community, but are too uncertain about their own 'coolness' factor to attempt to establish contact. These people end up simply hanging about in the public park that borders these areas, watching enviously at the fun, trying to put together a coherent story from all the names and events that get bandied about, pausing occasionally to try and make sense of semi-regular references that seem to be the cause of much mirth and mock-outrage.

There are blogs that are quieter locales. Little alleys full of little personalised touches left by those who live there, and which yield unexpected treasures if you ramble far enough and often enough through them. These places are usually discovered by just a few lucky people, who find that their joy is inexplicably unappreciated by others who they introduce these areas to.

These places often have an ethereal feel to them, and give the impression that the only continue to remain inhabited, because of the appreciation shown by the few who do visit. These visits themselves are often the matter of unceasing surprise to the inhabitants, who cannot understand what interest others derive from what they themselves view as mundane and arid surroundings. Conversations in these places tend to be short, with long pauses, and then only at varying intervals when the inhabitants deign to come out of their shadowed tenements.

And then there are blogs that are community enclosures. Self-contained worlds that only grudgingly bother about the bustling world around them for unavoidable purposes. Worlds in which everybody is an aunt or uncle or sibling or child. Where every newcomer is keenly watched, and is a source of much (usually non-malicious) interest, till such time as judgements of character have been universally issued and agreed upon. Where what really matters is the little occurrences that made up the day, while the events of the 'outside' world are mentioned to share mutual feelings of outrage, ridicule, and hilarity.

Finally, there are blogs that are public spaces. Institutions so big that everybody merely shares them, visiting them for individual needs of entertainment, education, enlightenment, peace. Places where a person's own individuality is, by necessity, diminished to their leaving a little mark saying that they were there.

Guide to Blogging - Problems, disorders, and side-effects

Anonyblogger Recognition Paranoia
aka, ImsureIknowthisbloggeria.

The assumption by a blogger/blogreader that an anonymous blogger they've come across is really someone with whom they have/had some offline contact/connection.

Causes:
ARP can be triggered by a wide variety of factors, including but not limited to - the (written) linguistic traits and idiosyncracies of the blogger, the topics the blogger tends to write on, the facets of the blogger's offline persona that they choose to (seemingly) reveal, clues about the blogger's life that other bloggers may refer to, and the number of common friends that they both seem to know.

ARP is usually encouraged by the rationalisation that it is highly probable that the subject must know the blogger, given -
a) The relatively low percentage of bloggers amongst total internet users
b) The distinct social sub-type that almost all bloggers belong to, viz., the middle-class educated urbanite.
c) The number of people who the blogger cannot be, after eliminating bloggers who post under their real names
d) The number of literary-minded friends the individual has, who are likely to have blogs
e) The wide social circles they both seemed to have circulated in


Behavioural changes:
When the subject knows or suspects that the blogger resides in the same city/town, ARP usually results in the subject making a greater effort to spend time with those friends that are considered possible identity-matches. The subject usually utilises this time to try and get to know more details about their friend's life, in order to match them to any details revealed by the blogger. A risk-taking subject may even raise the subject of blogs and blogging, in order to gauge the friend's reactions.

In early-stage ARP, subjects are known to re-read all of the blogger's posts. All subjects that have been studied say that they do this in order to gain a better understand of their 'friend' from their writings, as well as to try and see if the content of the posts appears differently, now that they can put a face and voice to the writing. However, under more in-depth questioning, some subjects have admitted that they largely do this to see if there is any reference to them in the posts, or to see if they can identify any other mutual friends that the blogger may have (supposedly) written about, so as to gather any 'interesting' bits of information about them, or the blogger's relationship with them.

When Chronic ARP (when the subject is fully convinced that they know the blogger) sets in, it results in a distinct change in the way an individual reacts to the blogger's posts, this change reflecting the offline relationship the subject (believes they) had with the blogger, viz, the subject becomes more appreciative/disdainful depending on how well they got/get along offline. It also results in attempts by the subject to indicate to the blogger that their identity is known, by 'hints' that refer to past shared incidents, or things the blogger has done.


Other Aspects:
In the case of widely read anonymous bloggers, ARP can morph into a group-experience phenomena, with the identity of the said blogger being the subject of a mass puzzle-solving exercise.

This can take the form of a coordinated approach, with the various bloggers taking turns to ask a series of wide-ranging questions that are designed to help fill in/eliminate as many aspects of the blogger's persona as possible, and which are raised in a tangential, off-the-cuff manner.


Side-Effects:
ARP can cause a subject to alienate their friends, as they seem 'too friendly' due to their constant questions and generally chatty behaviour (as they attempt to discover if the friend is the blogger in question).

Comments made by the subject where they indicate the supposed identity of the blogger, often only results in providing the blogger with much amusement and/or irritation, as well as confusing others who may be themselves (consider themselves) close to identifying the blogger

Additionally, if the group ARP tactic is not subtle enough, or is too prolonged, it runs the risk of causing the blogger to suffer from Identity Discovery Paranoia, which can cause the blogger to become even more discreet.

Blog habits I don't get

If I was being honest, I'd admit to being peeved, and a little bewildered, by -

* Blog comment-spaces that show the time of the comment, but not the date. Very confusing.

* Bloggers who allow comments, but don't (often) reply to comments. Very rude.

* Mini-feeds by non-professional blogs. Very pointless*.

* Word-verification by non-professional blogs. As pointless**.


But....some of my favourite blogs have some of these features.

So, not peeved, just bewildered.
Really. godpromise. Katti mat karo. I louuwwwww you guys!



* What, beyond the little thrill of allowing the blogger to see how popular they are, is the point of them? And don't say it's for tracking who's visiting the blog. There are site-trackers for that. And even if you knew, how does that help? You can't block them from visiting, and you can just as easily comment-ban them with full feeds.
** How many spam comments do you get anyway?

Guide to Blogging - Problems, disorders and side-effects

Blogpost Thought Intersection
Or, the I-Was-Thinking-The-Same-Thing-Too!! Eventuality

One of the most frequent, and almost certainly inescapable, side-effects of blogging, this regular occurrence describes the event of a blogger coming across a post written on a topic/idea that the blogger was about to write on/was considering writing on.

The discovery of a BTI inevitably results in (also inevitable) comments that muse upon the 'amazing' or 'weird' coincidence of such a post-thought occuring to both bloggers. With exclamations.

Much research* has been conducted into the occurrence, frequency, and underlying factors of BTIs. The studies took into account -

a) The low level of internet penetration globally
b) The large segmentation amongst web-users in sticking to one language for all their online activities.
c) The relatively low percentage of bloggers amongst web-users
d) The natural tendency amongst humans to drift towards others of their own level of intellect, interests, and inclinations.
and crucially,
e) The Idea Repetition Meme**

Given the above factors, it was individually concluded that it was natural that bloggers, who converse in a certain language online and interact with other bloggers who are interested in the same things they are, would often end up thinking about an identical concept at the same time as each other. This result was famously (unofficially) summarised by one of the authors of the report as 'Like, duh, why is it so surprising'?


* There were studies. Just take our word for it. What? You don't trust us? Whyever not? Just because you're reading 'our' and 'us' when you know it's 'my' and 'me'? Tchah.
** Any thought/emotion/belief/experience that you have, has already happened (many times) before, with very minor differences (if at all).

More whimsy

I once remarked to a fellow-blogger about how blog-relationships tend to be like intersecting Venn diagrams (this is where I really wish I could make those graphics). Like water, bloggers soon find their own level - of similarities in taste, style, humour - and settle down to mingling amongst them. This process usually doesn't take much time, because people soon reach the limits of how many others they can keep track of, while also (presumably) juggling their own blogging, work, and other aspects of life.

New blogs and bloggers are sporadically and reluctantly paid attention to, and even more reluctantly included in, largely because of all the effort involved. Go read their archives, hope they've read yours, then the having to explain in-jokes (some of you probably wonder about the unkel-ji's and masterji's on this here blog) and having to explain past references suddenly thrown in the middle of a comment-thread. Kaun itni jhanjhat karega.

And the longer you blog, the longer you've been around, the more difficult it gets to care. And the longer you've been blogging, the higher becomes the threshold level of newness or interest that a new blogger must show, for you to continue being interested in them. And lower goes the threshold at which you're willing to forget about them, if they aren't persistent enough with their comments or posts.

This quite directly mirrors real-life relationships and communities. You strike up a basic understanding with people due to the coincidence of constant proximity. Then you extend this to a deeper bond on the discovery of more tangible mutual grounds which you can explore at leisure. And occasionally, you get introduced to people who've formed ties with those you've formed ties with, but in a different context/space/time. And if you click with these new people, good. If not, you've always got your old friends.

The people I now communicate regularly with, were a result of taking a chance on the blog-roll recommendations of the one blogger I knew, and whose blog I first started reading. From that person's blog to the others, from there to others on their blog-rolls, and so on. And while you soon get involved in the common group, you are always aware there are others outside whom you don't mingle with, for whatever reasons.

So KM, TR, OTP, Flaffy, Scouty, Space, Falstaff, Szer, and me form one circle (of regular readers and commenters). But TR and Space also know Veena and Black Mamba. And Szerlem, Aishwarya and me know Roswitha. And Pri, Bikerdude and Puppy are another circle. And Pri, The Bride, and me are in another. And OTP, KM, TR, and Ph are in another.

See? Venn Diagrams.

So, whoever you are, you're welcome to join us. Don't be shy. Comment. That's how we'll have a reason to know you. And if you don't find comments on your own blog, it may just be that we don't find much in common, or may not have anything to say. Which is also my way of apologising if you've commented here, but don't find me reading or following your blogs.

Tea vs coffee vs hot chocolate vs Irish cream. Nothing personal - it's all chance and choice.

Guide to Blogging - Personalitypes

The Specialist
n., One of the more common members of the Blogger sub-species, details of which are slowly emerging with a deeper exploration of the species as a whole. Specialist Bloggers are so-named because of their almost-complete identification with a particular area, as well as their continued residence in, and exploration of, the same.

Location and Identification:
Specialists Bloggers tend to congregate in large numbers in highly localised areas. They can be identified by the way the communicate almost exclusively with other Bloggers in their immediate area. A confirmation check can be made by looking out for the almost single-minded focus and vigorous intensity with which they explore this area.

Colouration and Calls:
These Bloggers have a vibrant, yet mixed colouration. The main body usually has distinctive mottled designs formed of three predominant colours - NV Green, Raging Purple, and Low Blue. Most specimens also sport stripes of varying thickness, in shades ranging from Golden Gloating Glow to Bottomless Black.

You will often be aware that you are in the vicinity of such creatures well before you can visually identify them, due to the penetratingly persistent "pik-ee pik-ee" sound they make. You can also quite often hear them boring their way through barriers* to communicate with other Bloggers.

What to Expect:
Members of this sub-species can be remarkably oblivious to, and/or disinterested in, their wider surroundings, preferring to minutely cover and detail their chosen habitat. Observers will find that any attempts to attract their attention to a foreign element are ignored after an initial cursory examination. Attempts to coax or lure them out of their immediate environs are met with an even more immediate dismissal. Any such extended efforts can result in a rather sudden aggressive reaction, with the Blogger suddenly changing colour to Violent Vermilion and emitting bursts of high-pitched screeches**.

You might also discover that after having finished fully exploring their 'zone', rather than move to a new area, many specimens will continue to review their sphere of occupation in a never-ending loop, regardless of the lack of any change in the environment. Many Specialist Bloggers have been known to spend their entire Bloglives in just one area, despite having completely extracted any possible nourishment from the environment. Scientists have attributed this oddity to the presence of the inhibiting 'Comfort Zone' gene.

Natural enemies:
The Flippant Blogger, The Troll.

Famous varieties:
There are several widely known types of Specialist Bloggers, such as The Cookers, the Verserati, the Bibliofanatics, the Eurekoids, the Siliconistas, the Fotonites. Many varieties are further sub-divided, such as the Matchalingas, which includes the Cricneys, Socneys, and Tenneys.

Note: Some classifications also cite Diaryists as an example of this sub-species, claiming that as such Bloggers focus almost solely on themselves, they fulfil the criterion of being specific in their outlook.


* These barriers are quite often deliberately put up by other Bloggers sub-species, including Specialist Blogger themselves, in order to fend off these very approaches.
** This can go on for some time.

Guide to Blogging....Poster's Third Law

The frequency of blog posts are inversely proportional to the occurrence of having a life.

Guide to Blogging - Problems, disorders and side-effects*

Blogbubble syndrome.

What is it? A particularly virulent form of Realitus Disconnectus, wherein the sufferer firmly believes that their blog exists in a self-contained universe, and is not linked to their real lives. Gets its name by the phrase uttered by Dr. Frida Johnston, who on first diagnosing this disorder, noted, "These frikkin' (sic) bloggers think they live in a frikkin' bubble!".

Likely to affect: Bloggers whose identities are known publicly, or at least, to some other bloggers. Diaryists are particularly vulnerable.

Symptoms: Such bloggers (perhaps unconsciously) continue to post about personal details as well as opinions on people and events in their lives, while simultaneously repressing the knowledge that such posts are being read by the very people being referred to.

Causes: The God-complex; inability (or choice) not to think things through.

Effects: The onset of this syndrome often results in unpleasant offline showdowns, notably by people reacting to less-than-kind words being written about them. Afflicted bloggers are also likely to find themselves at a handicap socially, as not only can their behaviour and reactions be predicted reasonably accurately, but any attempt at dissemination or evasive courtesy is seen through, due to public knowledge of their real desires and opinions.

Treatment: A quick Reality-check is usually enough to make the blogger aware of the problem. More troublesome cases may be helped by judicious application of Bootinass.


* Apparently, we're not done with the meta-blogging.

And finally

To end the week of meta-blogging -

* Here's a blog-concept I would like to see - Meta-blogs (if I was a techie, or an entrepreneur, I'd do it myself, but since I'm neither, you're free to use it up and go make your millions. But just remember this, when you're sitting in your little log cabin drinking brandy hot chocolate and munching on waffles, it was I who came up with. Remember that!)

A community/group blogtool, so that multiple blogs exist on one page. I'm aware that the bigger corporate sites have several blogs under one domain, but those are just additions to an existing site. And this is different from a current group blog, which is just one blog with several authors.

What I'm proposing is a method where a group of people, under one URL, can have individual blogs. Maybe in tabs, or in different links, like some of those WordPress/Typepad ones. I'm not really clear on the layout - but I'm sure you (you scheming, idea-stealing techie you!) can imagine what I'm trying to get at.

Why would anyone want this? Well, for starters it would save on having to go to 15 different blogsites to leave a comment, or see if someone has left a comment to your comment, and so on. Also for Diarying friends spread across the world, who may or may not be interested in other blogs. Or for people who blog a lot on certain topics or fields, like Caferati or Momus, thus avoiding having to scroll down all the time if multiple posts are put up on one day. Instead, you can just go to another tab and see what somebody else has written. It could also have a central commentspace, so people don't miss out on all the action on some other spot - and you know that's a common occurence amongst bloggers who read too many blogs and leave comments on too many places.

Think of it as Yahoogroups for Blogs. Idea accha hain?


* Which brings me to another idea. Now, there are a fair amount of bloggers who likely classify themselves as unpublished authors (no particular reference intended). It is also likely that a fair amount of them do not post their best - or any - material on their blogs, because they still hope that they will be able to flog it for a book-deal. It is also more than likely that such bloggers...sorry, writers...while perhaps not in need of spare change, would welcome the occasional spare change - if only to buy more books to read. Or wine to drink. Or both.

Therefore - and I suggest this keeping fully in mind the increasing availability of free content, the very cornerstone of blogging as being unpaid for, and the other options of generating revenue from blogging through means such as ads etc - I think an interesting trial would be for a group of unpublished/little published bloggers, who are known for their writing skills, to create a blog where they agree to post their poems/short stories/whathaveyou in return for a standard subscription fee.

Falstaff, I really thought of this while reading one of your short stories....the DICE one. Now, the publishers might have their own reasons for not printing your stories, but some of them are quite good, as many of us agree. As are poems by Space Bar and Phanty, amongst others.

Now, obviously, there are lots of logistical issues but the core issue is this...

Would people be willing to pay for a not-very-high, but still sem-substantial fee for access to such a blog? I, for one, would not be at all averse to paying - oh say $10?$20? a year to subscribe, if I could get to read some of this stuff on a regular basis.

That said, I would only pay for unpublished/little published writers. People who have big-buck book deals can jolly well put their blogs up for free. So, while I would pay for a Neil Gaiman book, but not his blog, I would pay for a blog that Falsie, Neha Vish, Shoefiend, Space Bar, and Phantasmagoria would contribute to.

Now, there will be many who will want to and continue to post such fiction freely. I would, and I suspect many others would. But I don't Write, and if such a scheme allows people who genuinely and passionately do Write to continue to do so, by offering not only a dedicated audience, but some money, not to mention keeping them interested in blogging (which really is the main purpose here)....

...well, would you support it?