The obligatory AB* post

* Which moniker now belongs to the Bindra boy, not the Big B. Get with the programme already.

No, no comments on the maid-story (which, if it's true - bad Papa!), or his wealth, or how one yellow round thing is needed to give over a billion people some validation.

Nope. Nothing of that sort. Just this one thought -

You know what would really be interesting in the aftermath of Mr. Shooter-Man winning The Gold Medal? What would really show the fickleness of the public, the shallow nature of 'everybody's triumph' in the victory, and be just a really good way for a tiny percentage of the country's population to get a hernia from laughing at the reactions?

If, during one of those interminable interviews, when asked yet again about his marriage plans, he announced that, actually, he was oh-so-very gay.

Can you not just picture it?

It would be brilliant!

In the beginning, there was the rock.

And the rock was all, and all was on the rock.

And in the time before time, and for more time than there was time, there was only the rock.

And then the rock thought, let there be more.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

And the rock sent forth its thoughts, and taking from itself, created.

And the rock created quartz, and feldspar, and kaolin, and mica.

And then the rock begat shale, and sandstone, and chalk, and gypsum.

And yea, the rock also brought forth hematite, and magnetite , and calcite, and limonite.

And the work of the rock did not end there, but carried on for time uncounted.

Till finally, the rock rested, and looked with pride upon its creation.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

But then the rock grew troubled, for there was disharmony within the many.

For sedimentary warred with igneous who fought with metamorphic, and the battles were terrible.

And the rock grew saddened, and drew together its children.

And the rock asked, What is the cause of this discord, amongst you who have come from one?

And the rock was told, We seek to establish who is your chosen, and who shall lead us forth.

And then each began to proclaim its own honour above those of the others.

And long did they all speak, but the rock made no answer.

And when the clatter of the last had petered out, the rock was silent for a while.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

And then the rock rumbled,

There is one yet to come,
who will be less than the least of you,
but who will be above you all.

And this one, whom I have so long worked to perfect,
shall be known in all the lands,
and while time may dull each of you,
the ages shall only polish its lustre.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

And then the rock brought forth its last creation.

And its name was The Pebble.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

And the rock said,

The Pebble is the all.
The Pebble is the joy.
The Pebble is the glory.
The Pebble is the shine.
The Pebble is the touch that delights, when others would but hurt.
The Pebble will walk lightly upon water, when others would only sink.
The Pebble will be buried under, but will only become More Pebble.
Believe in The Pebble.
Trust in The Pebble.
Have Faith in The Pebble.
For The Pebble is all.

** ** ** ** *** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

And ages passed, and boulders turned to stone, but yet The Pebble endured.

And all who saw, learnt to believe, and took The Pebble to be their own.

This thought wasn't really expanded on, and it might as well be done now (Reno-boy, the post should answer one of your oldest questions). More specifically, this:

"It means not being able to promise anything, because you know that you can never guarantee something, only that you will try to make it happen. It means not being able to use definite terms such as always and never and totally and absolutely."

Let me explain.

While the experiment to attempt Complete Truthfulness may have failed, some things stayed with me. And given my fascination with language, it was but obvious it would be related to that. This meant that, for a long time, I couldn't say things like "Good morning" (I try not to). I remember driving a friend crazy over a few days over those two words. The conversations went something like this:

Day 1
Friend: "Good morning!" (was one of those early-morning cheery types)
Me: "Is it?"
Friend: "Isn't it? Why, aren't things okay with you?"
Me: "I didn't say they weren't. But you made a statement saying it was"
Friend: "It wasn't a statement. I was just wishing you!"
Me: "Ah, so you didn't mean to say 'This is a good morning', but rather 'Have a good morning'?"
Friend: "Yes!!"
Me: "Well, then, you should've said that"

Day 2Friend: "Hi. Have a good morning"Me: "Hey! Don't put pressure on me. It'll either turn out to be good morning or it won't. Don't tell me to go actively turning it into one. What's with all the stress? Why can't people just let things be? Why should I have to have a good morning - why can't it just be a nice morning, or a normal morning, or an uneventful morning? Huh? Huh?"
Friend: "Whaaaaa...?"

Day 3
Friend: "Hey...I hope you have a good morning, or any kind of morning apart from one which is not bad or harmful to you"
Me: "So it's ok if my afternoon goes bad, or my evening's a disaster? You don't love me enough to hope that my whole day goes well? What kind of a friend are you?"
Friend: "........!" *Stomachpunch*

Ok, so I deserved that (and it hurt).

But I still do it to people I've met recently, and it has changed the way I greet others. I stick to hellos, or I ask them if they're having a good morning/day. And sometimes (if it is truly a lovely day), I have no compunctions in stating "This is a wonderful morning". But I try to avoid obvious statements like that (a continued hangover of reading that bit from Hitchhiker's where Ford Prefect muses on human conversational habits*).

This habit also means that I stopped saying "Happy birthday". Because it's not. Your birth day is the day you were born. The celebration you have every year is the anniversary of your birth (day). So it should be "Happy birth day anniversary". However, given that we don't say "Happy wedding day anniversary", I've trimmed it down to "Happy birth anniversary".

And yet people react strangely every time I say that, and call it a 'typically weird (myrealname) statement'. Simply because it's not what everyone's used to hearing - regardless of whether or not it makes more sense. I can only assume it's because the former sounds better, and is less cumbersome. That, and the whole dumb-sheep thought of school.

But sooner or later, this gets very difficult. Because you begin to realise that if you have to be Truthful, you cannot make definite statements. Or rather, cannot always make such statements (see what I mean?).

Simply because you realise that when you're saying words like never or actually or always, what you really mean is (I believe it will) never/actually/always, which in itself fully means (Taking into account all that I know, it's my considered opinion that it will) never/actually/always. And since the sum total of one's knowledge is bound to be less than the actual amount of knowledge/possibilities in the world, you realise that what you're really saying is (I'm hoping that I'm right when I say that it will) never/actually/always.

I can't do that anymore.

And so my conversations, and indeed (if you've been reading this blog for long) my writing, are indefinite. Hedged. I use a lot of perhaps', and maybe's, and possibly's. There's an overpowering urge to qualify almost every statement, give an alternative option for almost every supposition or belief. And an equally overpowering urge to correct people, which in turn is only restrained by the overwhelming worry that I run the risk of turning into a pedantic bore.

Needless to say, this isn't necessarily a good thing.

But it has its perks. Especially when you get to mess with people's minds early in the morning.
* "One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious, as in 'It's a nice day', or 'You're very tall', or 'Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright?' At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working." - Douglas Adams

People, there is still some hope

Any world in which people say "Hey, wouldn't this be a great life-mimics-art thing to do?", and then actually go ahead and take a gnome around the world (a la Amelie), is worth having some faith in.

This story is just so cool, it made my day. No wait, month. Nay, year! Ah, joy joy joy.

Manual of Life - Didn't see that one coming #79

When electric and hybrid cars, which through decades of hope (and sci-fi stories) have been promoted as being not only clean but less noisy transportation, have to be fitted with artificial engine noises.

Because, duh, how are the blind, or cyclists, or pedestrians round a blind corner supposed to know they're approaching?

So basically, you can forget about lower traffic noise if you live in a city.

Thursday Torment: Food, other people's

She's besotted with one city, and unfortunately also takes lovely pictures of the food you get in it. Why unfortunate? Because she's hogging it all by herself, and all we can do is drool. No fair.

Go see Szerelem's latest Turkish culinary orgasmoscope*.

Only if you want to suffer, that is. And then go inflict it on your friends/family/colleagues/random people passing your computer - after all, why should you keep the pain to yourself?


* orgasmascope? orgasmathon?

Manual of Life - For The Lack Of Formal Approval #4

Words that should be in the dictionary, but aren't

...for some vague and arbitrary reason, even though in many cases they sound more appropriate than the 'official' words. These are distinct from 'made-up' words and 'words that should exist, but don't', due to the seeming obviousness of the reason for their existence - and the quite definite lack of their being so.

eg.,
cleant
ablutional
orgasmatory

Manual of Life - Disconcerting Phenomena #34

Disorientating words
Oft-spoken words, which when read, have the ability to seem completely alien and unheard of, or be translated from the script of another language.

Despite much staring at them, these words often cause the reader to have a temporary lapse in being able to pronounce them in their commonly-accepted manner, or, in severe cases, almost believing they aren't 'proper' words at all.

egs., ocean fallen lured

Some quarantines are worse than others

Especially if you happened to be a carrier of typhoid in the early 1900s. Apparently, you got admitted to a mental asylum. I didn't even get admitted to a hospital when I got my attack.

Friday Fun: Fact/Fiction

(You want to know more about this here blogger? Fine. Warning: This may or may not be true)

In the spirit of experimentational research, and in the interests of expanding the boundaries of culinary knowledge, I once decided to see what a mixture of all the possible dairy/egg-based byproducts (that I could lay my hands on) would taste like.

To this end, I prepared - and ate - a sandwich with a filling of butter, soft-cheese spread, thick cream (proper malai), mayonnaise, and condensed milk*.

It was....interesting.



* Condensed milk on toast....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

A few last friendly thoughts

...for now.

***************************************************************************

While saying all that I did last week, I ignored to comment on the fact that there are indeed some people who can, and do, maintain regular contact with old friends - over the years and across the world. There's a friend of mine who knows people whom I should know better than he does, having originally come into more contact with them than he did, simply because he kept in touch with them - and I didn't.

A key factor behind this ability seems to be the way a person behaves socially in person. Not on the phone, not by mail, not on chat or blogs or forums (although those also do obviously matter, to some extent). Such people are the ones who're more likely to initiate a conversation with a stranger at a party, or get chatty with people alongside them in queues wherever, and are more likely to ask people what they do and where they come from....and happily provide details in return. People like me, on the other hand, will be the ones who are quite content to know details about somebody when they feel like telling us those details (not that we're any less curious), and will be happy to sit at a party on our own and just watching and listening. Needless to say, standing in queues is an entirely quiet can't-you-see-I-have-my-don'tpesterme-face-on affair.

There is probably a lesson there, but pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbrpppt.

There are also those who know how difficult it is to maintain relations with friends (and family), and who may or may not be very sociable in-person, but who make it a point to try hard to maintain those relations - even if the ones they're maintaining with are too lazy to do so. My father is one such, and everybody in my extended family agrees that he's probably the only reason many of us know what's happening with each other, because he tries and calls and meets them as often as possible. Me....I just ask him, and go back to my lazy ways.

There's a lesson there too, but heck.

***********************************************************************

I'm tempted to stick to this classification from now on, to make things easier to deal with -

Soulmate
Best friend(s)
Close friend
Good friend
(just a) Friend
Friendly, but not friends
Acquaintances
Who-the-heck-are-you

The Thin Edge of Philosophy

"Well? What're you waiting for?"

(chuckles...briefly) "Look at you. Demand, demand, threat, demand. Me, me, I, me. Do you ever look beyond yourself? Do you ever stop to think about the rest of the world? Have you ever just once stopped and thought - maybe there's more than this. Maybe there's something greater and grander to life than this. Maybe there's a better reason for me being alive. Or, have you considered this, maybe there isn't? Maybe there's no point to it all, no point to going on like this, just...surviving and not really living. After all, what are you but one more person on one more street in one more neighbourhood of one more city in a world full of them, and that whole world nothing more than the merest speck in the eyelashes of time. Have you ever thought of that? That you're nothing, I'm nothing, we're all nothing but a loop that's been lived out again and again and again. Have you never wondered how many people before you have done, and how many more after you will do, the same things you have? Felt the same things you have - and how many have thought about how many have thought about these things. Don't you ever feel like a ghost - like nothing's real, like nothing you see or feel is really there, like...."

Wchniiinkk.

"Now tell me....does that feel real? Or is that pain, that blood, this knife all just "imaginary"? ...(sigh)... You could've just handed over your wallet quietly you know".