17.7.08

Ummm...NOT the last of the 'friendly' posts

So, if you reach a stage where you look at your contact book (mental/offline/online), and realise that many of those in it are no longer your 'friends', and you don't really know what's happening with them, what are your options?

Well, you could shrug and concede that life is full of shite like this, and downgrade your hopes and expectations into - the chance occasional meeting, getting your updates about them through once-in-a-way group mails, gossip from mutual contacts, and their social network listings.

Or, you could take the view that some of this is partly your fault too, because you too are someone's 'lost' friend. And so you make an effort to call/text/e-mail/meet/chat with a select group of such friends, on a more regular basis, for a given trial period. Try to be more involved and aware of each others' lives. Find ways to meet socially, even if in the midst of large groups. And if all that works, then continue it with those friends, and include more friends slowly.

Or, you could just say - the heck with it. The friends I have today are the friends I really want, and need. Take everybody else off your 'regular contact' list, and social network groups, and just be involved with those few. Everybody else remains somebody-you-once-knew-well.

And then go find new friends. Just so you can repeat the process....nobody said life had to make sense, did they?

...
I'm edging towards option three. Simply because I suspect that while I'm quite capable of keeping up with - and taking a keen interest in - my friends' lives if I can meet them regularly, I somehow can't build up the energy to do this long-distance thing with everybody. 'Tis a pity.

16 comments:

Lekhni said...

Maintaining friendships is a two way street. So the friends you have are also the ones who have made some effort to say in touch with you :)

So I'd vote for option 3.

spark said...

but in cases where people have drifted apart to quite some extent......which with time becomes almost unbridgeable...even occaional meetings dont help....i guess u should just let them be......till the point in time where they fade into oblivion...

spark said...

as they say....no point carry dead weight....life is too short.....as long as we r still ticking.....chill maari :)

??! said...

lekhni:
Is my reasoning too.

Spark:
That's quite true, too. So a mix of option 1 and 3?

km said...

The friends I have today are the friends I really want, and need.

Isn't that the truth.

A philosopher will probably look at this concept of friendship and consider it too selfish and too narrow.

Wants and needs are the basic foundations for an employment agreement. But for a strong friendship?

Anonymous said...

@ KM.....

without needs....u dont have expectations.....all these are ingredients for any relationship.....nehi to khali phokat idol worship!!!!

Shyam said...

Amen to that last sentence.

??! said...

KM:
Who knows? We're all just making this stuff up as we go.

spark:
Ah. But if you don't have expectations, then doesn't it make it easier to deal with the relationship?

dipali said...

Tough one. If the friendship no longer nourishes your soul or your ego or your heart or some other important part of you, it may not be worth pursuing, just for old times sake. And of course, like socks and clothes, we can and do outgrow some friends. I guess its something like shedding one's skin over time, or changing at a molecular/cellular level. Some friendships made in adulthood have the quality of being able to withstand lack of physical proximity.

spark said...

....ok now m talking about relationships in general n not just friendship......wat kind of a relationship wud u call it where one is a giver and the other reciever...
ok guys dont know y...but ths eg. popped up my head....radha & krishna Vs krishna & meera....:)
(pl dont kill me..pl dont kill me)

spark said...

on a more serious note....isnt every relationship bound by certain code of conduct, with specific expectations ingrained in it.....which again pretty much defines the role one plays!!!

km said...

with specific expectations ingrained in it

Yes, and that's also part of the problem, isn't it, Spark?

I am surprised that no one brought up the "3 friends" phenomenon. A and B are friends, B and C are friends, A, B and C are collectively friends, but A and C are not close at all. I am sure we've all been part of such a dynamic in school and college.

??! said...

Dipali:
What you say is true too. And as Spark says, as with friendships, so with relationships. I guess the trick is to realise that people change, and those changes may diverge, and never shall the twain meet.

Spark:
I'm going to let someone else handle that example. Falsie, if he'll have it (that should be fun).

KM:
Ah yes. We've discussed this somewhere before haven't we?

spark said...

@ KM...

guess always happens when there is more than 2.....
unless a love triangle with the 3rd person gay/lesbian ;-p

spark said...

it was a bad one....sorry guys :(

km said...

Friendship > Threesome! NEVER!!! :))