Manual of Life - Little Known Disorders

Voluntary Social Stasis
aka Doireallymatteritis

A self-inflicted process in which the person deliberately draws back from social contact, in order to determine their real value to the rest of the world. This disorder is quite common, and four in five people will have lived with it at some point in life.

The onset of the disorder is usually caused by sudden bouts of doubts about the individual's necessity to - a) other people; b) the wider scheme of things. Early warning signs include a tendency of the individual to incessantly ask questions such as "Does anybody really care?".

VSS causes varying reactions, but within a known narrow range. It results in the restriction or avoidance of any form of social interaction and awareness - reading or watching news reports, offline or online interaction with friends and family, keeping to their room, and so on. A surly, disaffected expression is, however, common to all sufferers.

The duration of this disorder also varies depending on each individual. Most cases can be treated by showering extravagant affection and attention on the individual, and using the stockphrase "But we really love you". However, if left unattended, this disorder can get prolonged into the dreaded Permanent Reclusive Distancing, also known as Surlybuggeritis.


NightWatchmen said...

Aha in our case we wonder (being true to our electrical engineering education) "Would anyone notice the difference if we were replaced by a 100W bulb ?"

And sometimes extreme forms are taken on where one holds conversations with our own mirror image a la Travis or our own local Anthony Gonsalves.

P.S : "But we really love your blog" ;)

shyam said...

But we really LOVE you!

shyam said...

I came back to shower extravagant affection too.

Metrosexual Monk said...

condition may be improved or worsened by more socially damaging side effects including facebookytis.

I may or may not have been affected by it at some point in my life.

Tabula Rasa said...

-itis means *inflammation*!

??! said...

Ha! Those too.

awwwwie. thankee.

Yep, that and MySpaceisminedemmititis. And hello!

Colloquial usage is allowed, baba. Or atleast, so says Wikibaba.

Anki said...

oh hooo
r u mocking me ??!

??! said...

Now would I do something like that? Actually, I would, but no baba, not today. This was just general.

hobo said...

funny you write about this particular affliction. i've grappling with my own invisibility and irrelevance all morning. but how pompous of me to expect to be relevant without having done anything of relevance as well. self-pity is quite honestly an over-indulged luxury of the egomaniac.

Espèra said...

Well, I'm showering extravagant attention on your blog then. You know, if such thoughts come to your mind.

I believe I really suffered from VSS sometime back. You know. "Naah. Let's not kid ourselves, I'm just taking up precious space."

km said...

In case you haven't seen it already, go rent "Love And Death" TODAY. Probably the funniest existential movie ever made.

??! said...

Ah yes, we read the latest post. Is ok, happens to almost everyone. Just remember to look into the mirror and tell yourself how gorgeous you are. Four times a day.

Aren't you a sweetie? The blog thanks you.

We are talking about the Woody Allen one, yes?

Tabula Rasa said...

re: love and death -- if you have to ask, you probably should be out renting it rightaway.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

..actually the conclusion i come to usually is "probabaly not. so F******* " that works too.