(I normally avoid forums, blog-festivals, and the like - especially when it comes to contentious topics. Hey, I get enough aggravation just from thinking about toothbrush bristles, ok. But I just had to write this when Aishwarya put out a call for entries to the Feminist Carnival of SF&A. Unfortunately, there were some issues (all your fault, Kyle Payne!), and it was felt that it was perhaps better left out. But she asked me to post it anyway - so here you are)

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Let's make this simple - Men* can't handle female sexuality.

Oh sure, men are quite happy with 'sexy' sexuality. Which means we have no hassles about having an attractive bosom shoved in our face while we're sitting on a busy train/bus. We have no problems about being forced to endure looking at low-cut tops and high-hemmed skirts. We have no insecurity about getting an unexpected eyeful of interesting intimates. And we certainly have no issues with being subjected to spontaneous dances of a lascivious nature.

That sort of stuff men can deal with. What we can't deal with, however, is 'realistic' sexuality. And the freedom to talk about it.

The type where the woman explains exactly what it means to be female. Where she wants to discuss how just much effort it takes for her to look like she does. Where she aggressively defends her right to wear a tiny top and shorts because it's bloody hot, and objects to your staring at her because you think she's actually trying to show off her assets. And then slaps you for daring to try and flirt with her, just because you think that's what she really wanted, because why else would she be dressed like she was. Where she wants you to be ok if she just wants to have sex, but doesn't really want you around all the time. Where she tries to explain that yes, she does masturbate on occasion, and no, she's not going to enact it for you, and hey, if you don't like the concept, well there's always Anne Summers. Where she demands that you realise that just one of you successfully completing a two-person hands-on mission is not acceptable, and no, she'll be damned if you can go to sleep before you help her sign off too.

Oh, sure, some men may try.

Some men will stand there while the women in their lives try to explain the merits and demerits of shaving as compared to waxing, or talk about how much their back hurts when they have their period. But they're not really listening - they're blocking it out, or trying really hard to think of something else to avoid having to actually take in what's being said. Like Sachin thumping Australia in Sharjah '98. Yeh. At the worst, it's like white noise, where they can see the lips move, but they hear only static.

And why is this?

Well, you could blame social conditioning. You could blame genetic differences. But I believe it's simply because deep down, it just makes men....uncomfortable.

It makes us uncomfortable to realise that women too have hair growing on their faces, and if it was left alone, some of them could go around sporting goatees too. It makes us uncomfortable to realise that those eyebrows were not naturally formed that way, but instead required tedious painful sessions of being plucked at or being teased out by a piece of thread. It makes us uncomfortable that that soft silkiness that's being currently stroked probably required a few cheek-clenching minutes of intimacy with hot wax.

It makes us uncomfortable to realise - and know - that the only way a woman can stop hurting like we could never understand pain for one-fifth of every month** for around 40 years is to have a baby - and go through all the attendant pain and trauma of that process. It also makes us uncomfortable because being the tinker-types that we are, we can't help but the judge the whole monthly process as being rather...inefficient***. And, we know we daren't ever even mention that thought.

And perhaps, most of all, it makes men uncomfortable to realise that despite all our bravado and talk of strength-of-character, most of us know we would succumb - and rather quickly - if an unknown but attractive woman made an indelicate proposition to them. But that if the roles were reversed, our egos - not to mention our bodies - would take a battering from the almost-certain rejection.

So....no, men can't handle the the real nitty-gritty of female sexuality.

And if you want to test that out, during your next period, try describing to the first man you know just how big a clot had just forced its way out of your body. And watch him squirm for three seconds as he begins to picture it - before self-preservation kicks in and he starts remembering those sixes to long-off that Tendlya thumped off McGrath.


* Defined as all heterosexual and a sizeable portion of gay men.
** On average.
*** As opposed to it being on a need-to-procreate basis.